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Your Story - Giant leap backwards...

Giant leap backwards...
By cjrhey [1 Karma] on November 18, 2009 / 06:19:30am	Post #001
I'm almost afaird to post, I don't want to bring anyone else down but don't have anywhere to talk about this to so sorry, here it is....the last few visits w/my son haven't been the best, not the worse but he just seems to be slipping backwards so today when I went to visit after listening to him talk about certain things I just lost it alittle. I told him flat out, "don't you realize what you do affects other people besides yourself? He got mouthy w/me and then called me an idiot, which made me mad. I grew up being called supid, dumb, worthless, not worth the ground I walk on, irresponsable, and I'm super senstive to any words that imply stupidity, the word isn't even allowed in my house, no put downs. I knock myself out in school, I have to get all A's or it drives me crazy, so when he called me an idiot I got mad, I told him I am so thru w/him calling me names and honestly I am, but I'm not thru w/him. I'm just mad, hurt, angery, confused, I feel guilty, deep down I just know it's somehow my fault he's in there. Anyway, we got into a fight, it didn't end well and I've been a mess all day and I'm sure he's not much better. I don't know how to help this kid. He seems bent on being attracted to certain things that are not good for him and doesn't really want anything or anyone getting in the way. I don't know. I wasn't even going to go today but I had to becuz we can't go visit on Saturday like we norally do, my daughter has a volleyball tournment, he doens't have phone priviledges right now becuz they got taken away. I had decided not to go on Tuesday's becuz it's two hours of just sitting there and we've been struggling not to get into an agruement lately, so I figured until the tension got better again I would limit my visit to Saturdays when my daughter was also able to visit and the visits are 1 hour instead of two, less time to get around to resentments. Sounds awful, but when there's a lot of unresolved issues lying beneath the surface and you have nothing to do but sit for 2 hours it's easy to get into an agruement. I don't even know if I'm making any sense, I just know I need some sleep, some peace and some serious guideance on how to be a good mother becuz right now I'm sucking! Aloha, darlene
By robin3417 [0 Karma] on November 18, 2009 / 12:19:05pm	Post #002
Dear SadnHawaii, Don't do the guilt trip-you are a loving supportive Mom and your son needs to be responsible for what he is bringing to the table in these arguments. You should feel angry for being called an idiot-that is so untrue and brings back those bad memories. He should feel ashamed as you have stood by him. Sometimes they need a dose of reality. Praying that God will send you peace. This weekend I was away at a Women's convention of the Lutheran Church and learned a really great little song-Here are the words,"Don't give up, someone walks beside you, Don't give up, Someone really cares, Don't give up, Someone walks beside you, And that someone is the Lord. Take heart,Sad, you are loved.
By lynnhamilton [136 Karma] on November 18, 2009 / 09:07:17pm	Post #003
Blessings SadnHawaii, I'm so sorry you guys are going through a uncomfortable time right now, but this too shall pass. When you said your son called you an idiot, my first thought was...he made the wrong mistake, or should I say the wrong decision which landed him in prison, without his freedom, etc, etc, etc....now who's the idiot? But Sad, I won't go there. But what I do want to tell you is this....if you taught your son right from wrong, morales, etc, then why are you blaming yourself for his decisions that he made in his life? When my son was in prison, I went through alot, but not one time did I blame myself for his mistakes. We have to take responsibility for our own actions! I apologize if I bought any offense to anyone, but we have to suffer enough as mothers with sons in prison, therefore, I refuse to let any of you blame yourself for their mistakes unless you were with them and told them to make that mistake, then of course you too are accountable. But if thats not the case, be at peace with yourself knowing that you are not responsible. Your son is really angry at himself because he knows that he has hurt you deeply and he does not know how to fix it. You, on the other hand can make it a little better for him by encouraging him and letting him know that we all make mistakes, you still love him, and you both will get pass this together! Thats why we must constantly pray for God to strengthen us so we do not kick them while their down but continue to love them and not fight them.They already have a battle everyday with the pain, and hurt, and trying to look tuff while they are in there with the other guys. Sad?, when it gets like this, you two fighting, you need to back off for a few weeks and give him room to think. Let him miss you and be glad to see you when you come back to visit him. You also need that time as well. You are a great mom, but you were a human being first, so take a break for both of you. Take a deep breath, watch something funny on tv, laugh out loud, and thank God for your sons life. Amen! Lynn Hamilton President/Founder MWSIP
By cjrhey [1 Karma] on November 20, 2009 / 06:57:11am	Post #004
Thanks Lynn, I know you're right and I did teach him right from wrong and you know he does know right from wrong. I quit believing in the devil a long time ago but I've been rethinking it lately. I swear as crazy as this sounds I almost think/feel like my son may be posessed, like something's got ahold of him that he ain't even in control of, and tonight as my daughter and I lay together for a few moments I thought of something I never really thought of, God put me here not just to physically take care of these children but to help protect their souls. And I will fight to have my son's back, I will not give up, I just don't know how, what it is I'm suppose to do right now, so I'm praying, and I'm searching hard within myself and I'm listening, I know God's in charge, he just has to be, and the answer will come. But I swear if you see and feel the engery that comes from my son at times, you would know what I mean, it's like out of movie, it's not him. I want my boy back! A couple of months ago we got a glimmer of him and I thought we were home free, I don't know what happened. But I'm not givin up! Thank you for being here. I hope my son can walk out of there like your son did and not look back!!! Aloha, Darlene
By dmarinelli [4 Karma] on January 28, 2010 / 12:46:46am	Post #005
Dear Sadnhawaii: Don't be sad over there in that beautiful state. God, I am jealous. I do hope your son gets a hold of himself. I think it just will take him some time to figure things out. I am sure he loves you so much and at this moment he is not showing love for you but I believe it will pass. I will pray for you and your son and your daughter. Now, go have some hawaiian punch lol. Just joking, spike it. God bless you and your family. Amen.
By Trish [1 Karma] on January 29, 2010 / 12:50:14am	Post #006
Sweetie you keep your head up and don't let anyone tell you those negative things. He maybe going through alot of emotions but he will be ashamed of what he did. Prayers your way hun.
By coconut [1 Karma] on March 07, 2010 / 07:22:45pm	Post #007
Hi SadNHawaii and everyone on this site: I have forgotten my passwords for two screen names already (lol memory loss) but now I have a new name, coconut. So, God bless everyone and have a good day. Just keep praying. Amen.
Giant leap backwards...